To Throw A Rock
by hotsoupwoman
Summary: READ: This story encompasses life itself. Yes, that means that Mayor McCheese has sex with the Hamburgler in it, and Ash sees it.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own pokemon. Don't sue me.  
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To Throw a Rock (aka: The Problem with Drinking)  
  
  
"That sounds like a good idea," said Ash.   
"Umm.. Ash, *what* sounds like a good idea?" replied Misty.  
Ash sighed, and realized he probably didn't even tell them what he wanted to do.   
So that was probably the reason she didn't know what the good idea was. Maybe they'd laugh  
if he told them the idea, he thought. 'I don't know what they'll think. It's really a dirty  
idea,' he thought, 'but I might as well get it over with before they think I'm weird.'  
"Oh. I was thinking of a really mean thing to do. We would probably get in a lot  
of trouble for doing it. You wanna know what the idea was?" questioned Ash.  
"Well, it can't be any worse than what *I* think we should do on a night like this,"  
replied Brock, "shoot."  
"Yeah, and anyway, it's YOU. How bad could anything YOU think up be?" asked Misty.  
"OK. Well, I was thinking we could go into the city tonight and throw rocks at people  
and then run away before they figure out who we are!" said Ash.  
  
Brock and Misty exchanged glances with one another. It was a few minutes before either of them  
spoke. Too busy scratching their heads. Ash was thinking, 'Oh no! This is a horrible thing to   
do! They probably won't want to be my friends anymore,' when Misty spoke up.  
"Sure Ash. If you want to throw rocks at people, we'll do that. But first.. Umm.. Uhh..  
You have to come with Brock and I and do the things we want to do, right Brock?" she nudged Brock with  
her elbow.  
"Uhh.. Right! You realize that WE might have wanted to do things tonight too, Ash. Just be  
happy that we're taking you along with us," Brock.  
Seemed reasonable enough to Ash. "Okay," he replied.  
  
Misty grabbed Brock, and dragged him to a point where Ash couldn't hear what they were talking about  
Even if he could hear, it wouldn't matter. He was busy thinking about Gary. Wondering what he was doing,  
wondering if Gary was thinking about him too. Anyway, Brock and Misty had to come up with something to   
do. Throwing rocks was a really lame idea. If they did that, they were more likely to be shot than to   
get arrested. The poor boy needed to be corrupted at some point, maybe now was a good time to take a crack  
at it again. They had tried before to corrupt him, but he just didn't get it. Lord knows Gary tried to help,  
too, but Ash just didn't get it. He thought Gary was trying to piss on him, and just didn't understand what  
was happening. So they had to plan.  
"Why don't we go grave robbing? That might work." suggested Brock.   
"No, no. I think Ash would piss himself if he had to go to a grave yard at night," said Misty,   
"and we've tried taking him clubbing... We haven't taken him to a bar yet, have we?"  
"No, we haven't. But we brought back some damn fine vodka last week, rememeber? He wouldn't touch the stuff.   
Maybe if we tell him that we're taking him to a McDonalds and getting him a happy meal, he'll drink up,"  
said Brock, thoughfully.  
So that was the plan. Actually, they decided that they really WOULD take him to McDonalds and get him   
a happy meal. Then they'd say that he had to go with them to where THEY wanted to go, and would later  
fill up his cup with alcohol.  
"Really? You're taking me to McDonalds? Great!" exclaimed Ash, "Maybe I'll see Mayor McCheese there!"  
"Sure Ash. Whatever you say. But we don't really have time to stick around, you'll have to eat it   
at the place Misty and I are going." Brock.  
So off they went towards McDonalds. By now Brock and Misty were hoping that they could get Ash  
ravingly drunk, and wouldn't have to throw rocks at anyone. 'Who is he? Denis the Menice?', thought Misty,  
'*Psyduck* could think of something better than that. Mmm...Psyduck..'  
  
They soon approached the nearest McDonalds, and Brock ordered a happy meal from the greasy looking teenager  
working behind the counter. Told him to be quick, too. Of course, just for that, they took longer. Brock and Misty  
both sighed, and waited impatiently. But Ash, Ash had totally ignored them. He was in the play palace by that time.  
When Misty and Brock got the happy meal, they noticed Ash was gone... Then they saw him playing in the balls.   
Throwing them at other kids..... Which looked a bit strange, I can tell you. He's 13, and when a 13 year old boy throws a   
colorful ball at a 5 year old, there's something wrong in the picture.  
Misty and Brock sighed, and resigned -- they couldn't stop Ash. So Ash when into the big hunk-of-plastic structure....  
he climbed all the way to the back, and sat there, panting. Some kid who crawled by stared at him for a minute, and then started  
crying. Ash didn't take any notice of that, he was too excited. But that's when he heard the sounds...  
"Uhhh ooooohhhhhh!!! Punishment for your crimes! Uhhh"  
"Ohhhh!!! Don't.. Don't.. oohhh GOD!"  
..So Ash just had to investigate! He started crawling, and knew that the source of the sounds must be near by, because they  
were getting louder! He kept crawling, and then he saw it -- Mayor McCheese, and the Hamburgler, in a very erotic position.  
Of course, Ash didn't know what was happening. He just knew that Mayor McCheese was his favorite McDonalds character, and it   
looked like he was in trouble! The Hamburgler was a bad guy who steals hamburgers and doesn't get punished when he's caught,   
and from the way he was wrapped around McCheese, he knew that McCheese was in a lot of trouble!   
This time, the Hamburgler would get in trouble for SURE!  
"Help! Help! Someone come help! Mayor McCheese is being attacked by the Hamburgler!" yelled Ash.  
The Concerned Soccer Mom's who were eating just outside the play palace while watching their children heard this, and they were  
concerned.  
"What if my child is near one of them?" cried one mom.  
"Forget your kid, my kid can't even WALK!" yelled back another mom.  
After that, a big fight started between all the Concerned Soccer Mom's, and they were too distracted from trying to fight for their   
children, even though the kids weren't in any trouble. In fact, most of them made their way up to where Ash, McCheese, and Hamburgler  
were, and were calmly watching. Some crying, sure, it was scary. But for the most part, they were happy.  
"Do you think McCheese is really in trouble?" asked Misty.  
"Probably not. We should go in there after Ash, though. We need to leave, and NOW," replied Brock.  
So they made their way into the big hunk-of-plastic structure, and soon smelled the stench of feet, pee, sweat, and fries. Ironically,  
both Misty and Brock thought this would be a good place to do the nasty. Sure, the stench might not be very pleasing, but the thrill of  
being caught by a 3 year old, and his mother calling you a pervert was almost too much to resist.  
"I don't know about you, Misty, but I'm going to have to remember this place," commented Brock.  
Misty nodded her head thoughtfully. Hell, if either of them couldn't get someone to come back there with them, they'd go with each other.  
That was often the case, too. I mean, Misty was getting a little sick of screwing Snap. What a twerp. It's not so much that he wanted to  
take pictures of her nude, or of the act, but that he loved his camera so much. He often used it as a part of the act, and frankly,   
Misty found the feel of a camera up her butt to be not very pleasing... Brock was makeshift. And as for how HE felt about screwing   
her, well, he wasn't complaining; it wasn't like he could get a girl on his own, so who gave a crap?  
By the time they reached Ash, he was a babbling mess of no use. Misty had to kick a bunch of brats away to get to him, and Brock was   
busy taking their toys. And when Misty got to Ash, she could see what Ash had seen. Yes, she saw the Hamburgler and McCheese trying   
to hold a few positions at the same time, not McCheese in any sort of trouble. She sighed, shook Ash, and had to have Brock help bring   
Ash back down. It was time to head for the nearest bar. 


	2. part 2

To Throw A Rock   
Part 2:  
  
  
  
Misty and Brock managed to get Ash away from the play palace, and from McDonalds after   
a bit of a struggle. But once they were in the street, all was forgotten by Ash -- it was as   
if it never happened at all. But if you're wondering what happened with McCheese and the Hamburgler,  
well, I'll tell you. After a while, the Concerned Soccer Mom's figured it was time to stop fighting   
with each other, and to start kicking ass up in the play palace. They complained to the manager of  
the resturaunt, and told him that they couldn't get to their children, because there as they heard  
from the cry of a little boy, Mayor McCheese was being hurt. So obviously, the manager had no choice  
but to go into the play palace, and see what was happening. 'Damn,' he thought, 'some brat cries   
wolf, and I have to crawl on my hands and knees in a pee filled child's play set.' Which was pretty  
much accurate. When he got to McCheese and the Hamburgler, they had finished the act, and were smoking  
pot. Even giving some out to the children.  
"What in God's name are you two doing? And how did you get your big heads in here?" questioned  
the manager.  
"No worries, man. We just made sweet love, and now we share our wealth with the children,"   
said Mayor McCheese.  
"Okay, well, you're going to have to get out of here now. I don't want to end up going to court,  
I just want to go to a nice hotel and sleep with my girlfriend." said the manager.  
"OK." said the Hamburgler and McCheese in unison. And so they left.  
  
  
"So, where are you guys taking me?" asked Ash. They were actually pretty close to a bar where  
they don't question your age, so long as you have money.  
"Don't ask. When we get to the place, you keep your mouth shut, and don't say anything either."  
Brock demanded. So he did. When they came into the bar, Brock tossed the happy meal at Ash, and told him  
to eat in silence, and not to look at anyone unless totally necessary. So he did. The seats were   
uncomfortable, and he didn't know why they were at such a smelly place, but this was something that was   
important to his friends, so it was important to him, too.  
A big woman, who resembled a man in a dress came up to where they sat, and asked them what they wanted.  
Ash was very tempted to ask for another coke, because his was almost empty, but then he remember what his  
best friend told him. So he kept his mouth shut. Besides, Brock ordered for all three of them anyway. Ash  
thought the name of the drink was kind of funny sounding, but he was very glad to get something anyway.  
So when they got their drinks, Ash didn't think twice about what was in his cup. He just felt really nice.  
Really, really nice. Everything was fuzzy, and he thought... He was thinking much of anything. He just   
laughed, and laughed, and laughed. Brock laughed, too. Misty didn't laugh, though. She looked kind of   
woozy. But that didn't bother him, because he was happy! But now Misty was starting to look mean. She had  
a really twisted smile on her face, and then she spoke to him.  
"Why don't you get up on the table and dance, Ash?" she said.  
That actually sounded like a pretty good idea to Ash! So he did! He got up on the table, and started  
doing the robot! He was laughing, and the people in the bar were laughing, and he had another drink, and  
started doing kartwheels, and everyone was happy.   
Then Tracey walked into the bar, unexpectedly, but Ash didn't know it was Tracey. He thought it was a   
really attractive girl. And when Tracey started kissing Ash, Ash didn't really mind it. And when Tracey  
took off his shirt, Ash didn't really mind what he saw. And when Ash was feeling up Tracey's man boobs,  
he didn't mind that much either. But now he needed to pee, so he pushed Tracey away, and stubbled his way  
to the little boy's room.  
Little did he know that Misty was following him. She didn't go into the bathroom. No, she just hung outside  
of it, and she thought it was a one stall bathroom, so it would be just Ash in there. So she took the   
opportunity to tell him how she felt about him. 'Hey,' she thought, 'time as good as any.'  
"I love you. I love you so much, I would give up everything for you. I didn't know it, but long ago  
when you took my bike, I did give up everything for you. I love the way you love your pokemon, I love the  
way you fight in a pokemon battle, I love the way you act when you're around Gary. I love your stupidity,  
and child like innocence. I have loved you since I first saw you, and I know now that I always will." Misty  
said, tears swelling up in her eyes. And then a toilet flushed, and out stepped a big man in a dress. The same  
one that served them.   
"Oh red headed girl, I love you too! If only I had known how you felt about me, I would have let you  
had that drink for free. And I would have whisked you away to my loft of passion. But now that I know you love  
me, we can do that now. Come with me, my princess, and we'll never part." said the man. Then he nelt down,  
and kissed her.  
Frankly, Misty was stunned. She was also pretty disgusted. No alcohol could mask what had just happened,  
and she knew now that she had to get away, and fast. She broke away from his kiss, and said, "Umm.. lover,  
yeah, that's it... Lover er... Boy, I need to go tell my friend that I'm leaving, and I need to use the   
little girl's room before you whisk me away."   
With that, she rushed to where Brock was, who was currently receiving a lap dance from Tracey, and dragged   
him with her to the little girls room. Misty found a window in there, and shoved Brock through it, and then  
herself. Then she remembered Ash. Crap! She just had to hope he was still in the bathroom. She knew that  
there was NO WAY she was going to go back into the bar, for fear the the man in a dress might see her. So  
she would just have to go around the back of the bar, and look for the window in the boy's bathroom.  
Misty found it, and she didn't really think about looking after Brock. She thought he was probably too drunk  
to go do any damage. So she climbed through the window, and found a giggling Ash using a urinal. She figured  
she probably could have used this as a chance to do something, but even Misty has morals. She tried to explain  
to Ash what was going on, but they were both kind of drunk, so she just dragged him to the window and heaved  
him through it. Then they stubbled their way back to where Misty left Brock.   
They couldn't find Brock. Leave it to Misty to leave a drunk and horny guy alone outside at night. Yeah, like  
he WOULDN'T run off. Now Ash and Misty just had to think of where he might be. OK, so just Misty, because Ash   
was really clueless about that kind of thing. And then she saw him. He was with a woman in an alley. Misty   
couldn't really imagine what he was doing, considering her current state. She squinted her eyes to see better,  
then figured it would just be better to go over there. So she grabbed Ash, and they went to where Brock was.  
  
Brock was with a whore. But really, it wasn't actually his fault. Really. OK, so maybe it was, but he was drunk.  
It's not like he would remember it or anything. Then Brock and the whore saw Ash and Misty.  
"What are you two doing? I don't do special requests. If you wanted a foursome, you'll have to go talk  
to my pimp," said the whore. She was really in a bad mood, because she wanted to go to a nice hotel, and sleep  
with her 'boyfriend'. This was really inconvenient.  
"You know what? Forget this shit. I could be earning better money right now. Give me my $5, and I'm   
leaving," comanded the whore.  
So Brock did. Ash and Misty were about to drag Brock back to the Pokemon center (which was still open, luckily),  
when there was a rip in the sky, and a very, very bright light shone. 


	3. part 3

To Throw A Rock  
Part 3:  
  
With that rip and blinding flash in the sky, Ash, Brock, and Misty didn't know it,  
but people all around the world disapeared. Then a figure of light floated down from the rip  
towards Ash, Brock, and Misty. They all looked drunkenly towards it. Then it stopped in front  
of them, and spoke.  
"Hello, friends. I see that you were some of those who got left behind," said ?????.  
"Left behind? You mean, we were supposed to go somewhere?" asked Brock.  
"Yes. My father--"  
Misty cut in, "What, you going to get your daddy in to do your fighting for you?"  
"He usually does, my child. Does thou not recognize me?" asked ?????.  
"No," said Ash.  
"Not really.." said Misty.  
"Nope, sorry Mr." said Brock.  
"But people praise me. People worship my name. My name is heard on a daily basis!"  
".....Oh! I know who you are!" exclaimed Brock.  
"Then speak it, my child."  
"You're one of the Backstreet Boys!"  
"No, I am not the sinner you speak of. How can you not know thy name?"  
  
Brock, Ash, and Misty thought this over. There were probably a lot of reasons why  
they didn't know this man's name. He looked a lot like some people on the street they had   
passed that night -- and every other night. Ash had met so many people on his journey, how was  
he supposed to remember all of their names? Maybe he had met this man before, he thought.  
  
????? was becoming very impatient. He tapped his foot, while waiting for these foolish mortals  
to figure out who he was. With a deep sigh, he resigned.  
"Fine, if you can't figure out who I am, I guess I'll just go back to Heaven and wait  
for another 2000 years."  
He left. Misty, Brock and Ash stood in that dark alley, looking quite dumbfounded. After a   
long period of silence, Misty spoke up.  
"So....what are we going to do now?"  
"I'm tired!" whinned Ash.  
"But where will we stay? The Pokemon Center has probably been closed down for a few   
hours now."  
They thought. Ash didn't WANT to think. Not knowing what to do, he sat on ground, and started  
crying. Well, as it turns out, Ash didn't have to worry about thinking anymore - a large man  
in a dress came lumbering around the corner, pointed to Misty, and called out to her.  
"There you are, lover! I'm going to take you home with me, lather your body with  
whipped cream, and then I'm going to feed you grapes with my toes!"  
Misty fainted.   
"Oh shit." said Brock.   
Brock picked up Misty, threw her over his left shoulder, and ran. Ash followed him, and they ran  
from the drag queen, and hid inside a men's Gap until he was out of sight. Ash held on to   
a clothes rack, and caught his breath. He started walking towards the bathroom of the store,  
and that's when he bumped into Gary. Well, Gary bumped into HIM.  
"Why don't you watch where I'm going, jerk?" asked Gary, in a disgusted sounding voice.  
"Gary?" asked Ash.  
Gary took a closer look at guy he just walked into. "Damn," he thought "why didn't I recognize  
him in the first place?"  
"Oh, it's just Ash." said Gary, passively.  
"So what are you doing in the Gap? I thought you only wore purple and hawaiian shirts." asked Ash.  
"I should ask the same of you."   
"Well, I was at McDonalds, and then some girl who looked like Tracey took off her shirt for me.  
Then some guy fell out of the sky, and a man....or was it a woman? I think it was a man in a dress. Well,  
he ran after us and Misty fainted and now we're here. We need a place to sleep."  
"Well, in that case, I challenge you to a battle! You'll just have to stay with my Grandfather  
and I, and sleep in my bed until tomorrow."  
"Why isn't your Grandfather in Pallet town? Why are you with him?"  
"Gramps is giving a lecture in this city in a few days, and he wants to use some of   
MY Pokemon for a demonstration. So, do you like your pillows hard or soft?"  
"Gary, I'm challenging you to a battle!"  
"...Okay, Ash. I accept your challenge. But first we need some sleep."  
By the time that Ash was back on the other side of the store with Brock, Misty was concious  
again.  
"Brock! Misty! We're staying Gary and Professor Oak tonight. Let's go! I'm tired!" called Ash.  
"You two can sleep on the floor of our hotel room" said Gary.  
So Ash, Misty and Brock followed Gary towards a cheap Motel 13. They arrived at the room  
Gary and Prof Oak were staying in about 5 minutes later. Gary didn't need to unlock the door,  
since it was already open....   
"Yo, Gramps! I'm having Brock, Misty and Ash stay with us tonight." called Gary.  
Professor Oak looked up from the sink where he was washing his face.  
"ASH is staying with us?"   
He scurried over towards Ash.  
"Hello, Ash. You're looking mighty fine tonight. Can I get you anything to drink?  
Water? Soda? Wine cooler?"  
"No thank you, Professor. I'm really tired."  
"Well, you should be. You and your tiny little ass have been running through my  
mind ALL day long."  
"Do I have to sleep on the floor?"  
"Of course not. You can sleep with me. Brock and Misty will sleep on the floor."  
"Sorry Gramps, Ash is sleeping with me tonight," said Gary, while taking off his  
shirt "we already planned it. Besides, don't you have a muk to sleep with?"  
"You ungrateful little..."  
Prof Oak sighed, and got into his bed. Brock and Misty "fell asleep" as soon as they hit the   
floor. Ash got in Gary's bed. Gary turned off the lights, and hoped in with Ash.  
"Goodnight, Gary."  
"Goodnight, Ash."  
"...."  
"...."  
"...Gary?"  
"Yes, Ash?"  
"..Goodnight, Gary."  
"Goodnight, Ash."  
"...."  
"...."  
"...."  
"...."  
"Gary!"  
"What now, Ash?!"  
"There's something moving up my rootie patootie, and I don't know what it is!"  
"Just grin and bear it, Ash!"  
"It's moving in and out! It's pulsing! It hurts!"  
"Oh please, it can't hurt THAT much, Ash."  
"How would you feel if you had something moving up YOUR behind?"  
"Do you really want me to answer that, Ash?"  
"Yes!"  
A light clicked on.  
"Listen you two. I'm not really in the mood to listen to your little lover's tiff  
at the moment. I'm TRYING to masturbate over here." said Brock.  
"Yeah, Ash! Don't you realize that SOME of us would pay good money to get the kind  
of action YOU're getting right now?" questioned Misty.  
"If it's really hurting that much Ash, you should come sleep with me. I know how to  
treat a boy right!" called Prof Oak.  
All of this talk made Ash nervous. Why was everyone yelling at him?  
"You're all so mean to me! It's not my fault that something big is in my behind! I   
thought you were all my friends... Hold me, Gary."  
"I will, Ashy-boy."  
Someone clicked the light off.  
"The pain is gone."  
"That's nice, Ash."  
"I think I wet the bed."  
"sigh.."  
Gary held on to Ash tightly. He was about to drift off into a peaceful sleep, when he felt something   
crawling around his crotch... Gary whispered into Ash's ear.  
"Oh Ash, I didn't know you were into this kind of thing, too. Oooohhh"  
Ash turned around in bed so that he was facing Gary.  
"What do you mean?"  
"Well, you've got your hands..." but then he noticed that Ash's hands were by his head..  
"What? I've got my hands what?"  
Gary lifted up the sheets. Pikachu gave Ash and Gary a deer-in-the-headlights look.  
"Pika pi?"   
Pikachu had his face in Garys crotch... Ash laughed, and picked up Pikachu.  
"Oh, silly Pikachu. Did you want to sleep with us? Why didn't you just ask?"  
"Pikachu." said Pikachu, crossly.  
"You're so cute, Pikachu." Ash replied, hugging Pikachu to his face.  
"I'll get you to wanna lay me back some day, Ash Ketchum. Until then, you just  
better watch your back. Goodnight, my pet." 


End file.
